


Smooth

by Audrey_Lynne



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Body Hair, Crack Treated Seriously, Drunken Shenanigans, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Innuendo, Leia Organa Deserves Better, M/M, Merry Christmas fandom, Multi, Sad Leia, Shaving, Sorry Not Sorry, Spoilers, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, and i couldn't keep my shippy fingers off the end, in which Poe finds some whiskey and makes some questionable choices, this is not a Christmas story, with bonus cheering up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-21 21:49:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13152717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Audrey_Lynne/pseuds/Audrey_Lynne
Summary: It's been a difficult week for the Resistance.  Everyone finds different ways to cope.  And though Poe wasn't on a particular mission to cheer Leia up, his method of coping might just do that anyway.Or: Poe finds Han's stash, gets drunk and shenanigans ensue.SPOILERS FOR THE LAST JEDI





	Smooth

**Author's Note:**

> This is entirely my dear friend Kerry's fault. She started it, in another fandom, and in a late-night chat session, we theoretically cast Poe in a crackfic I had to write...and somehow it got serious in parts.
> 
> No real shippy stuff here, just implications, so don't be too disappointed; it's really about the shenanigans. 
> 
> Setting: The Millennium Falcon. Time: The morning after the events of The Last Jedi. And the curtain rises on a makeshift command center on the ship...

* * *

 

Hope was a bittersweet, fragile thing.  Leia tried to be the voice of hope for the Resistance, but she was finding it harder recently to cling to her own.  It was still possible that members of the rebellion in the Outer Rim might come, or that someone had heard the signal but had not responded because they were still making plans.  Even so, some grim facts remained.  The surviving members of the resistance could, at present, fit into the Millennium Falcon.  Leia’s husband and brother were dead.  And Amilyn Holdo.  Despite how peacefully Luke had gone, all three losses left a gaping hole in her heart.  Her son – or what remained of his mortal form; Ben was gone – was the Supreme Leader of the First Order.  And Leia _hurt._   Not just emotionally, but physically as well.  She’d recovered well from her recent ordeal, but it left old injuries aching.  She felt twice as old as she looked.

In short, Leia Organa was having a difficult kriffing day.

Her tea sat on the control panel beside her, long since gone cold.  Leia was lost in her thoughts, smiling as she noticed Lieutenant Connix working dutifully beside her.  She was fond of the young woman and unspeakably glad to count her among the living.   Chewie murmured a greeting as he approached and a small smile crept onto Leia’s face.  She’d missed him over the years.  There had never been any question that he would follow where Han went – at least until he couldn’t.  “Good morning.”

Chewie snorted, and Leia’s Shyriiwook was a little rusty, but she was sure it _was_ just an amused snort.  _“Your cub’s gone off the rails again.”_

Perhaps it was just her melancholy, but Leia found it hard to see the humor in that.  Dark irony, she’d always embraced, but it was hard to find anything funny about Ben – no, Kylo – at the moment.  Maybe someday.  “I know.  But…really, we lost him a long time ago.  We’re just…accepting it now, I suppose.”

Chewie gave her a look that suggested he was doubting her intelligence.  _“No, not the filthy traitor.”_   Leia couldn’t object; at this point, it was a fair enough assessment.  Especially from Chewie’s perspective.  _“The foundling.”_

For a moment, Leia wasn’t sure who he meant, but then she chuckled as recognition set in – especially as Poe Dameron’s voice echoed through the nearest corridor. 

“I’M TELLING YOU.  SO SMOOTH.”

Leia frowned, but was ultimately unable to suppress a smirk.  Poe didn’t sound entirely sober, not that she could blame him.  Though she wondered where he’d found the alcohol – and if she could get in on the secret.  “What’s he on about?”

_“He shaved off most of his body hair.”_

Leia had been reaching for her cold tea, but it was a good thing she hadn’t managed to get in a sip yet, or she might have choked.  “He _what_ now?”

 _“I don’t understand it either.”_ Chewie shrugged.  _“You humans have so little to begin with.”_

He had a point, though Leia wasn’t inclined to explain the aesthetics of it to him.  Nor would she have had time as Poe pranced – there really wasn’t a better word for it – into the room and plopped himself down directly across from Leia.  His pants were rolled up to his knees and his legs were, as Chewie had said, hairless.  The flask in his hand was the answer to a lot of questions Leia might otherwise have had about the situation. 

“General.  Lieutenant.  Ma’ams.  Mr. Chewbacca, sir.”  Poe grinned broadly, offering the flask, which Leia was about to ask for if he hadn’t.

The flask was filled with whiskey, Leia discovered.  Possibly Cheedoan, though she wasn’t an expert.  She studied the flask, sure now it was one of the ones Han kept stashed throughout the Falcon.  Aged, then, and better than most things around here had.  Han always had an unwritten policy that if anyone could actually _find_ part of his stash, then they could help themselves.  Leia could hardly fault Poe for wanting to drink his cares away for a bit.  He was off-duty and it had been one hell of a week.  As for the ensuing decisions that were made…well, that was where she had questions.  “I’m afraid to ask.”

Poe propped his leg up in the space between Leia and Connix.  “Go ahead.  Feel it.  It’s _so smooth_.”

“Feel…your leg?”  Connix looked dubious.

Poe nodded excitedly.  “Yes!  Why have you ladies been keeping this secret to yourselves?  It’s amazing!”

“What secret?” Leia asked, taking another swig of the whiskey before passing the flask on. 

“This shaving thing!  I thought it was just…like makeup, some beauty routine.  But it’s _so smooth_.  Why didn’t you _tell_ me?”

Leia couldn’t quite suppress her grin.  “Well, for one, it doesn’t come up in everyday conversation.  And two…what possessed you to try it now?”

“Finn.”

“Oh.”  Somehow that seemed like a perfectly reasonable answer and Leia was still sober.

“He doesn’t have any hair…anywhere else.”  Poe gestured vaguely to his head, then the rest of his body.  “Like…I saw him naked after the medbay, y’know, and I wasn’t _trying_ to look, but he was just…there, like a fountain, and naked, and…no hair.  Except his head.”

This was far more than Leia really needed to know about any of her people, but clearly, Poe was into his story and ready to continue whether she prompted him or not.  “Mmm-hmm.”

“So…I just, I _asked_ , okay, and apparently ol’ man Snoke liked his troopers just as smooth as a baby’s bottom so… _bzzzt._   And Finn’s kinda into it so he’s planning to keep it up and…I wasn’t gonna ask him to touch, so…”  Poe gestured at his leg.  “Go on.  Check it out.  _So smooth_.”

“That’s…really not necessary, sir.”  Connix looked far more amused than anything else. 

Poe shrugged, taking another hit from the flask.  “So why have you all been sitting on the galaxy’s greatest secret?  This is _great_.”

“Well…it does take effort to maintain,” Connix answered, barely suppressing her chuckle.

Leia shook her head.  “Don’t look at me.  I haven’t bothered since that goddamned gold bikini.  Long skirts hide a lot.”  She couldn’t complain about being coaxed into a better mood, even if it involved utter nonsense.

Connix inclined her head as if to say she understood.  “It’s up to one’s personal preferences.  It’s…really not a big deal either way.”

Poe nodded, his expression as serious as if the meaning of life had been revealed to him and he needed time to digest it.  “Good talk.”  He hopped up and was off again, enthusiastically offering to let anyone who passed him feel just how smooth his legs were.  Chewie took the opportunity to depart as well, muttering something to himself about humans and their oddities.

Leia turned to Connix, not sure where to proceed from there, and both women lasted all of five seconds before they burst into laughter.

 

* * *

 

Hangovers were the worst. 

Deserved, but still the worst.

Poe had been crawling through the Falcon, trying to find a place to be alone with the thoughts that were on loop in his head.  Guilt, hope, fear – a myriad of emotions, fighting for dominance.  He’d stumbled upon a long-forgotten or well-hidden flask and the temptation to drown his sorrows rather than deal with them had been too strong.  It was good stuff, and while the details were fuzzy to him, Poe remembered enough to be embarrassed. 

He didn’t actually regret shaving, though.  As he was sure everyone in the Resistance was aware by now, his legs were really smooth.

The apology tour went well enough.  There were a number of folks Poe didn’t really know well enough to owe much explanation.  Most of his fellow pilots found it hysterical – or knew he had even better dirt on them.  General Organa had shrugged it off with a smile, though that wasn’t unexpected.  She was often indulgent with him and it was honestly one of the least troublesome things he’d put her through this week.  Now there was just Connix.  Though Poe knew her pretty well by now, he wasn’t entirely sure what she thought – and, honestly, she was one of the people whose opinion he actually gave a damn about.  “Lieutenant.  Got a minute?”

Connix turned, smiling brightly at him.  “Oh.  Sure.  Feeling better?”

“Yes…thank you.”  At least she’d presented him with a nice segue.  “About that.  I’d like to apologize for the shenanigans yesterday.”

“Oh, there’s no need.”  Connix waved him off.  “Honestly, it was pretty funny.”

Poe shrugged.  That seemed to be the general consensus.  “Yes, well…be that as it may, I do consider it my responsibility to present a certain…image, especially now that our numbers are so few.  I just don’t want you to think I—”

Connix held up a hand to stop him.  “No, really, it’s fine.”  She stepped in closer, a soft smile on her face.  “I understand what you’re trying to say, and I appreciate it, but frankly…I haven’t seen the general smile that much in _weeks_.”

That, Poe could certainly appreciate.  “So you’re saying my lapse in judgement might have been for the greater good?”

“Maybe it was.”  A soft laugh escaped the young woman.  “And…besides, I have the security logs.  In case we’re lacking entertainment at the next Life Day party.”

Poe was sure she was serious.  He laughed, patting her on the shoulder.  “I’m glad you’re on our side.”

“Always, sir.”

Rose was still in bad shape, but she’d stabilized – and, thus, Finn was leaving her side more often.  Poe ran into him next, laughing as they exchanged a quick hug.  “So I’m sure you’ve heard about my dramatic performance yesterday.”

“Heard?  Saw.”  Finn laughed.  “That’s…one for the ages.  I feel kind of bad.  But not really.”

“Bad?” Poe asked, frowning.  “Why?  I mean, it’s not exactly your fault I find your bodily choices inspiring.”

Finn shrugged, a playful but guilty look on his face.  “I wasn’t gonna tell you, but I gotta come clean.  That hairless-trooper story was…well, okay, that part was true, but it being kept up…nah.  We humans come with hair and I ain’t about messing with it anymore.  Too much effort.  When you saw me, it was totally the bacta.”

Poe swatted his arm playfully.  “You just gonna betray me like that?  Leave me to be the shaved wonder all alone?”

“Yep.”  Finn laughed.  “Anyhow, glad to get that off my chest.  See you later.”  He turned to leave, then paused.  “Just out of curiosity…did you shave _everything_ below the neck?”

Poe crossed his arms, grinning playfully.  “That is for me to know and you to find out.”

“Is that a promise?” Finn asked.

“Consider it an invitation.  If you want it to be.”  Poe didn’t feel it was the time to push for details about the nature of Rose and Finn’s relationship.  But he recalled Paige mentioning once that open relationships weren’t uncommon on her home planet, and it was something to consider, if that was where the future took them.  No matter what else happened, he had his mission and he had his droid. 

His hairless little droid.

 


End file.
